She says it's for the best
Since when does she know what's best?
Better as friends?
I don't feel better
Do I look better?
You don't seem better
You seem as hurt as I am
Hurt by your own words
Words as sharp as knives cutting through me
Words that used to soothe my pain
Your words were always the sweetest to reach my ears
I did anything for those sweet syllables
I still would
Everything is different now
My days and nights now uncertain
Spending every moment in this open doored prison
Not afraid to leave
No reason to
I can't say how many times I've asked for a second
third
fourth chance
Undeserving as I may be, I still think I'm worth a try
We shared the sweetest of moments
I was always there for you
I still am
I long for that feeling again
To love and be loved in return
You say you still love me
I'm not sure of much anymore
There are two things I am sure of
I love you
We belong together
I will not lose hope.
Dedicated to Samantha, and written late at night, like everything else.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Recently.
My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me.
I've already been replaced by a guy 2 years older than me.
I've been rejected, replaced, and ignored.
We used to say things like "I'm never too busy for you"
But now she breaks that promise all the time.
Anytime I want to talk it's "Sorry I'm busy right now"
We said we'd be together forever.
I'm sure you've all heard that one before.
I learned something
There's no such thing as forever.
It's all made up.
Just to make people feel better about their uncertain future.
The future isn't always certain, but one thing is for sure.
There's no such thing as forever.
We used to fight fairly often.
We still fight, but now there's nobody to say "I'm sorry, I love you sweetheart" when all the fighting is over.
I don't get what the difference is.
We still fight.
She didn't fix anything by leaving me.
I doubt she'll ever read this.
She's never really cared enough about what I write on here.
She should start caring because a lot of the stuff I write is with her in mind.
I doubt many people will read this.
But I think that's ok.
I'm not writing this for anyone but me.
I need a way to get my thoughts out.
I guess this does it.
She was the best thing that ever happened to me, hands down.
Just looking into her eyes was enough to make me happy.
I've only seen her twice since we broke up.
The first was to try and talk things out.
The second was so she could get her things that she left at my house.
That other guy she's with is kind of annoying.
I met him once.
I pretended to like him but I really didn't.
I could tell he liked her.
I somehow knew something like this would happen.
Where she would leave me and turn to another guy for comfort.
Then one thing leads to another...
I've been listening to a lot more music recently.
I can't listen to half of the songs I have because they make me think of her.
I would love to think of her all the time if it didn't make me so sad.
Well, I do think about her all the time.
My moods change a lot now.
One second I'm having an okay time.
Then I start missing her.
And I get sad.
Then I text her and try to remind her of back then.
And she'll mention that guy.
And I'll get angry.
And then it just cycles back to getting sad.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I've told her I want to leave and never come back.
She said that wasn't a good idea.
Now I'm not so sure about it.
I don't know what I want.
I don't really go anywhere anymore.
I sleep til one or two in the afternoon and just sit around on my computer.
I feel so pathetic.
I used to go out nearly every day.
Now I don't even shower every day.
I guess this is the end.
I don't really have anything more to say.
I have a lot to say to her, but I guess it'll have to wait until she's not busy.
I've already been replaced by a guy 2 years older than me.
I've been rejected, replaced, and ignored.
We used to say things like "I'm never too busy for you"
But now she breaks that promise all the time.
Anytime I want to talk it's "Sorry I'm busy right now"
We said we'd be together forever.
I'm sure you've all heard that one before.
I learned something
There's no such thing as forever.
It's all made up.
Just to make people feel better about their uncertain future.
The future isn't always certain, but one thing is for sure.
There's no such thing as forever.
We used to fight fairly often.
We still fight, but now there's nobody to say "I'm sorry, I love you sweetheart" when all the fighting is over.
I don't get what the difference is.
We still fight.
She didn't fix anything by leaving me.
I doubt she'll ever read this.
She's never really cared enough about what I write on here.
She should start caring because a lot of the stuff I write is with her in mind.
I doubt many people will read this.
But I think that's ok.
I'm not writing this for anyone but me.
I need a way to get my thoughts out.
I guess this does it.
She was the best thing that ever happened to me, hands down.
Just looking into her eyes was enough to make me happy.
I've only seen her twice since we broke up.
The first was to try and talk things out.
The second was so she could get her things that she left at my house.
That other guy she's with is kind of annoying.
I met him once.
I pretended to like him but I really didn't.
I could tell he liked her.
I somehow knew something like this would happen.
Where she would leave me and turn to another guy for comfort.
Then one thing leads to another...
I've been listening to a lot more music recently.
I can't listen to half of the songs I have because they make me think of her.
I would love to think of her all the time if it didn't make me so sad.
Well, I do think about her all the time.
My moods change a lot now.
One second I'm having an okay time.
Then I start missing her.
And I get sad.
Then I text her and try to remind her of back then.
And she'll mention that guy.
And I'll get angry.
And then it just cycles back to getting sad.
I don't know what I want anymore.
I've told her I want to leave and never come back.
She said that wasn't a good idea.
Now I'm not so sure about it.
I don't know what I want.
I don't really go anywhere anymore.
I sleep til one or two in the afternoon and just sit around on my computer.
I feel so pathetic.
I used to go out nearly every day.
Now I don't even shower every day.
I guess this is the end.
I don't really have anything more to say.
I have a lot to say to her, but I guess it'll have to wait until she's not busy.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Risen.
Raise your hand if you've ever felt like you don't belong
Raise your hand if you've ever felt like the world is against you
Raise it if you've ever felt like you can't do anything
Or if you stay up at night thinking about how you'll be able to make it
Raise your hand if you still cry sometimes
If you've ever had someone tell you they've been thinking about ending it
Raise your hand if you've ever gone a whole day without talking
Not to see if you could do it, but because you didn't have anything to say
Raise your hand if you've ever seen a loved one die too early
Raise your hand if you want to say goodbye
Raise your hand if you want to say hello again
If you've ever wanted to turn back time
If you've ever saved someone
A friend or a stranger
Because you never know who might be in danger
Raise your hand if you've taken the time to really notice what's around you
It's worth it
Are you raising your hand yet?
If not, you will soon
Raise your hand if you've ever felt like the world is against you
Raise it if you've ever felt like you can't do anything
Or if you stay up at night thinking about how you'll be able to make it
Raise your hand if you still cry sometimes
If you've ever had someone tell you they've been thinking about ending it
Raise your hand if you've ever gone a whole day without talking
Not to see if you could do it, but because you didn't have anything to say
Raise your hand if you've ever seen a loved one die too early
Raise your hand if you want to say goodbye
Raise your hand if you want to say hello again
If you've ever wanted to turn back time
If you've ever saved someone
A friend or a stranger
Because you never know who might be in danger
Raise your hand if you've taken the time to really notice what's around you
It's worth it
Are you raising your hand yet?
If not, you will soon
Monday, May 16, 2011
Soliloquy.
Would you be mad if I left tomorrow morning to go off and live my lifelong dream?
Surely nobody would forgive me if I came back in six months and told them that my lifelong dream didn't work out
Would you be mad if I didn't come back in six months?
If my lifelong dream was to make you happy and the only way to do that is to leave
Would you be mad if I told you what I think all the time?
If you ask my opinion you must want it, right?
Would you be mad if I told you I'm not ready?
Not ready for anything
Better off waiting
Better off being alone
Would you be mad if I left your side because I think it's best for you?
If I think I'm holding you back from your full potential
Would you be mad if I never amounted to anything?
A poem is a tricky thing
You can either spill your guts or barely say anything
What I'm trying to say is..
Are you mad?
Surely nobody would forgive me if I came back in six months and told them that my lifelong dream didn't work out
Would you be mad if I didn't come back in six months?
If my lifelong dream was to make you happy and the only way to do that is to leave
Would you be mad if I told you what I think all the time?
If you ask my opinion you must want it, right?
Would you be mad if I told you I'm not ready?
Not ready for anything
Better off waiting
Better off being alone
Would you be mad if I left your side because I think it's best for you?
If I think I'm holding you back from your full potential
Would you be mad if I never amounted to anything?
A poem is a tricky thing
You can either spill your guts or barely say anything
What I'm trying to say is..
Are you mad?
Angry Poem
Put them in my ears
I don't give a fuck if the left is on the left or the right on the right
I need an injection of notes and rhythm before this lethal injection takes its toll on me
A blast of inharmony and cacophonous waves rips through my flesh
It's too loud but I don't care
I need it more than ever right now
I'm home
I feel like I've been trekking across the desert and I've been given my first taste of water for days
I'm home
I don't give a fuck if the left is on the left or the right on the right
I need an injection of notes and rhythm before this lethal injection takes its toll on me
A blast of inharmony and cacophonous waves rips through my flesh
It's too loud but I don't care
I need it more than ever right now
I'm home
I feel like I've been trekking across the desert and I've been given my first taste of water for days
I'm home
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Tear.
The first falls gently
Then one is taken away by an absorbent piece of cotton
One rolls down a soft pale hill
Like an owl at midday they shouldn't be coming out
You don't give a typical "something in my eye"
For the one you're with is no fool
You've known that since day one
Hell, you've known that since before day one
No, she's different
Able to sense your emotions before you even realize you have any
She can read you, not like a book
But like a billboard
Big arial lettering scattered across
Deception is not something she takes
You're not sure what's wrong so what can you tell her?
The common "it's nothing" will do
She knows you'll come around so she says nothing
You'd think her to be an FBI agent the way she reads you
You're just a criminal and she's the one hired to figure out how the gears turn
She watches
You talk
She listens
You stay silent
That seems like the best thing to do at a time like this
Then one is taken away by an absorbent piece of cotton
One rolls down a soft pale hill
Like an owl at midday they shouldn't be coming out
You don't give a typical "something in my eye"
For the one you're with is no fool
You've known that since day one
Hell, you've known that since before day one
No, she's different
Able to sense your emotions before you even realize you have any
She can read you, not like a book
But like a billboard
Big arial lettering scattered across
Deception is not something she takes
You're not sure what's wrong so what can you tell her?
The common "it's nothing" will do
She knows you'll come around so she says nothing
You'd think her to be an FBI agent the way she reads you
You're just a criminal and she's the one hired to figure out how the gears turn
She watches
You talk
She listens
You stay silent
That seems like the best thing to do at a time like this
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